I’m an Online Dating Coach, and many of the ads I see on the Internet are shocking! There are some (often written by guys looking for women) who write their ads like they’re trying to sell used furniture in the classified section of their daily papers! The women’s ads are often just as bad – often containing very little substantial information – or the ads just come across as demanding.

Take for example this ad, written by a 41-year-old woman –

professional who enjoys open conversation – 41

“I love to talk about books that have struck you bizarre or interesting. I do want someone to hang out with, and must enjoy talking about politics, books, places and wine. Must love chocolate!”

Communication is apparently high up on this woman’s priority list (how nice!) Whether “talking about everything” is also nice would depend, I suppose, on what “everything” might include. It’s hard to say what she’s referring to when she talks about “bizarre” books, although Stephen King novels come to mind for me. I’m not sure how many guys love chocolate, but for the sake of maintaining positive relationships, I imagine a lot of guys would go along with that one – assuming, of course, that “bizarre” books don’t stand in the way first!

It’s hard to imagine what sort of guy she’ll attract with that ad!

Have a look at this next online dating ad – it’s from a young man who describes himself as the “Tattoo Teddy Bear” -

tattoo teddy bear – 29

“i just want a good girl that knows how to treat a man with respect.”

Now that was an example of an Internet dating ad that doesn’t mince words!

After reading ads like this, I can really understand why so many men and women are communicating at cross-purposes!

Which brings me to our first lesson of today: Always write your Online Dating ads like you’re having a normal conversation with someone!

In other words, here is a list of what to avoid:

1. Don’t write your ad so it sounds like advertising copy from a magazine.

2. Never condescend to your audience!

3. Don’t write a one-sentence ad and expect to get many replies!

Here’s what you SHOULD do:

1. Talk about yourself in terms of who you are as a person, what you enjoy doing on a date, and list some of your hobbies and interests.

2. Tell the reader (without bragging) how he or she will feel when they’re with you. Put yourself in the mind and soul of your reader, and empathize with them. What are they thinking – and what might they be feeling – while reading your ad?

3. What are some of your best personality characteristics? What are some of the things that people really appreciate about you? Here’s the place to really sell yourself by listing your intangible qualities.

4. What are some of the reasons (i.e., the benefits) for answering your ad today? What will she or he gain by doing so?

5. Finally – please remember to use a spell-checker on your ad before you click the “submit” button and have it published!

If you follow the guidelines I’ve suggested above, you’ll be on your way to a very successful Internet Dating experience!